This week on Sober Stories, we had the opportunity to interview Kevin Bellack of @thesoberginger. (S01/E005) Kevin is a former accountant turned recovery coach. He has been alcohol free for almost 3 years and used therapy to start his journey off in early 2019. He promotes mental health awareness and provides encouragement, awareness, and tools to help people live an alcohol free life or to cut back their alcohol consumption. He is currently Head of Coaching and a Thrive coach on the Reframe app, which is a neuroscience based iOS app to help people address alcohol’s role in their life.

In our conversation with Kevin, we talked about his experience talking about mental health and therapy for men, navigating marriage while changing your relationship with alcohol, and the power of vulnerability and storytelling.

For our full conversation, head to the Sober Stories Podcast (Apple, Spotify) or view the episode on our Youtube Channel. 

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Kevin, on how we cannot do this alone

I listened to that Russell Brand book, Recovery, where he rebrands the steps. One basically said, you know, are you, on your own, gonna un-fuck yourself? And I remember driving in the car, listening to the book to go into work, and I paused the audio book at that point. And thought, “fuck, that’s it. No, I’m not.” I’ve never been able to do stuff on my own. I need that accountability

The other one was a song lyric from Blue October, which I have tattooed on my shoulder now, which says “I should have been a better man, but a should’ve, could’ve, would’ve isn’t what a better man would do.” And I remember driving in the car again (apparently I hit all my epiphanies in the car), listening to stuff with my daughter sitting there, and that lyric came on and that kind of hit me. “The shoulda, woulda, coulda isn’t what a better man would do.”

Kevin, on the way we think about addiction

It’s not a moral failing to be addicted to an addictive substance that’s pushed to us from childhood throughout our lives. And every single thing we go to has this there, whether it’s a one-year-olds birthday to a funeral, a wedding, every celebration in between.

It’s ridiculous that people still think that. “You should just be able to control this. You should just be able to be strong enough strong to do that.”

Kevin, on the “Man Up” stigma men face regarding mental health

And that’s not necessarily true, but I feel that is our perception, regardless. It’s been passed down generationally, I think. It is definitely the “strong, silent” type, key emphasis on silent, I think. And it’s tough to get out of that mentality. And I’m still not out of that mentality — it’s still there. It kind of got dark in my head because I knew I had to change something. I knew I couldn’t keep going like this, I knew I was gonna die if I kept drinking the way I was.

I was the one that had had my shit together, and obviously my wife would disagree with that and I could have talked to her at any point in time and I know I could have, but I have this perception that I feel lesser than, or I’m supposed to be the one that takes care of everybody.

I think this is the high majority of the guys’ mentality. I didn’t know how to open up, I’ve never been taught that. So it is a tough hurdle. It’s a wall to jump over — it’s not even a hurdle.

Connect with Kevin

On Instagram: @thesoberginger

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Catch the whole conversation:

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