This week on Sober Stories, we had the opportunity to interview Payal Desai. (S01/E009) Payal Desai is a public school teacher, a wife, and a mom of 2 boys.  She is also a social media content creator working on building a brand.  Though life is busy and full, she is much better at managing it since becoming sober 1.5 years ago.

In our conversation with Payal, we talked about the therapy appointment that led her to quit drinking once and for all, how alluring (and toxic) mommy wine culture is for young mothers, and how she has gained the confidence she sought in alcohol, through sobriety.

For our full conversation, head to the Sober Stories Podcast (Apple, Spotify) or view the episode on our Youtube Channel. 

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Payal, on the moment she quit drinking

The therapist said, “tell me how much you drink.” And for the first time, I was just really honest about it. I think that I was always covering up how much I drank. I was always lying and manipulating my way out of these types of conversations, but she was a therapist that I didn’t even know.

So I said, “okay, well, I mean, we drink every night probably, or at least several times a week.” She’s like, “well, how much are you are you drinking?” I say, “ugh, I don’t know how much, but we just drink because that’s something that we enjoy doing together.

And she’s said, “I’m going to be honest with you, that doesn’t sound too safe for having two little kids at home.” And I’m going to tell you that line right there — I’ll never forget what it felt like when she said that. She held me accountable to something that was going on for a really long time, and she was the first person. All of a sudden I felt very put on spot, but there was no defending it. It was a gut punch. And so, honestly the next day I said, “I’m taking a vow. I’m not going to drink.” That is all that needed to be said. It was August 24th, 2020, and I have not had alcohol since that day.

Payal, on Mommy Wine Culture

I was going through my Dropbox where I have my whole collection of pictures from over the years years. I was like looking for a specific one from June, 2020. This is when I was at home with the two kiddos; Carter, my older son, was not supposed to be home during my maternity leave, but he sure was because of Covid. And I have a picture of my little one, Dev. He must be under two months old at this point.

He’s sitting on his Boppy with his pacifier, and I have a glass of wine. The way that I took the picture was so you could see the baby behind the glass of wine. I used to think that was cute! And I’d done it before. Talk about a gut punch finding this in Dropbox. I was just reminded, once again, how much I glorified alcohol. That picture right there, to me, was how you survive motherhood, you know? But I had to be her then, to be me now. I can’t resent her. I can’t resent this person who I was.

Payal, on navigating marriage when your partner still drinks

[My husband] is still a drinker, so that is actually something that I think is challenging for somebody who gives up alcohol. Alcohol was such a big part of who we were together, and when I made the decision to completely 100% on August 24th, 2020, to give it up, it kind of shook up his world. Our relationship has gone through some chapters since then, but I know that it’s been hard for him. I push him to be honest with himself. Like, this is hard and it’s not that you resent me, but we have to talk about what this has done to our relationship because it changes.

And because he doesn’t over-drink regularly, when he does, those moments are very hard for me. I’ve been like honest with him about this. I’ve become very well-informed of the science behind what you’re doing to yourself. So I’m like, why would somebody want to indulge and then wake up the next morning and feel miserable? And why would you want to do that to your body? You’re so amazing without alcohol, why would you even want it to impact you?

Because you go through this transformation where your entire thought process is altered after you quit. It becomes the way that you view almost everything in life. And so, we’re still wading through. To be honest, we’re still figuring that part out. It’s a lot of communication, it’s a lot of, I don’t brush things under the rug. We talk about stuff and I have to also honor him and know that his decision to drink is not done intentionally to hurt me.

I don’t really have the answer to it, but I can say that if you do make a decision like this, it can really impact the relationships around you and you need to be prepared for that.

Connect with Payal

Connect with Payal:

On Instagram – @Payalforstyle
On TikTok – @payalforstyle

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Catch the whole conversation:

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